I'm a pusher.

Yep.  I'm a pusher.  And I'm not ashamed of it.

What do I push? A better question might be, whom do I push?  The Answer; most everyone I can.  And I think it's time for a little blog style pushing.

I can clearly remember the summer of 1999.  I must have seen at least 2 dozen punk shows that summer plus a fabulous day at a windswept warped tour.  If you could ever get your hands on a copy of Skateboard Canada's summer issue from that year you will find a close up photo of yours truly which was taken as I was walking away from a crazy slam dancing pit for the band 7 Dust. You see back then I LOVED pushing people!

These days I'm much more laid back.  Gone is the wild bleach blonde hair style, the chain necklaces and the urge to stick my tongue out at every photo op.  I've put away the giant baggy shorts, wife beater tank tops and the chain from my wallet to my belt.  I've stopped throwing elbows into the faces of strangers and calling it "dancing".  But I think that in a new way, I still LOVE pushing people.

In place of the reckless, thoughtless, angry 20 year old who loved the Holy Spirit but hated most Christians; sits a much softer guy in early 30's (33 to be exact), someone who actually loves Christians, and the Holy Spirit.  For those who see me regularly at church, it may surprise you to know I am probably outwardly the calmest and quietest I've ever been in church. (Post Holy Spirit)

But here's the thing, I think I'm burning hotter than ever before.  And I pray that I can help catch you on fire!

One thing I don't understand is indifference in the hearts of people who profess Jesus.  I don't dislike the people who are indifferent, I just don't get it.  It doesn't make me angry, it makes me sad to see those who profess to be awake, walking through life in a stupor.  It's like their neither awake or asleep.  It seems to me that mediocrity when it comes to Jesus is just about the stupidest place anyone could ever live.

To go through life on the fence must be the worst torture...but the thing is, if you're on the fence, fear is probably what's keeping you there.

I remember a day when I was about 8 or 9 and my friend Brad and I were having a competition/race to see who could get from one end of my street to the other.  Except the thing was we had to go through people's backyards, climbing fences and not getting caught/stopped by any home owners along the way.  I remember this now because I recall what happened to Brad when he slipped mid climb and came down with one leg on either side of a 6 foot fence.  NOT a feeling/sight anyone forgets.

I think the same type of thing is experience by "Christians" who live their life on the fence, eventually you come down with one foot on each side.  Ouch.  It would have been far better just to hop down and live your life in one reality or the other.


This is the fence...the dividing line.  Jesus.  And what you are going to do with Him is the most important decision you will ever make.

You see, Jesus compels people to live on one side or the other.  Walking on the line is a refusal to make a choice as to which reality you are going to live in.  Or, maybe, the refusal to really commit is the choice that's being made.  If that's the case, I think you are behaving cowardly. But, what do I know right?

I do know that the Gospel of Jesus is the most polarizing/divisive thing I can think of. In fact Jesus said this as recorded in Matthew " 34 "Don't think that I came to bring peace to earth. I didn't come to bring peace but conflict. 35 I came to turn a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. 36 A person's enemies will be the members of his own family. 37 "The person who loves his father or mother more than me does not deserve to be my disciple. The person who loves a son or daughter more than me does not deserve to be my disciple. 38 Whoever doesn't take up his cross and follow me doesn't deserve to be my disciple. 39 The person who tries to preserve his life will lose it, but the person who loses his life for me will preserve it."

Jesus was a "pusher"  He wouldn't let you come to church on Sundays only. He wants your entire life. Every minute, thought, deed.  HE is ALL Consuming.  and He is wonderful. Jesus wouldn't let you sit in worship service with your arms folded, mumbling along to some of the words.  

So my friends, I hope you make a decision about Jesus.  Either HE is real, and everything He says is Truth.  Which, if that's the case, demands that you lift your eyes from this temporal place and throw your life at His feet continually.   OR Jesus is not real, not who He says He is,  Which if that's the case demands that you do everything you can to keep people away from believing in Jesus, even a little bit.  


Time to jump off of the fence.  or... you could always let the Holy Spirit push you ; )

Losing my damned mind...

So, I haven't written this in a while...it's not that I've run out of things to share, it's just that the sharing of what I'm going through lately makes no rational sense and I'd rather share everything in hindsight rather than in the lamplight of my flickering faith.

Because that is what is happening with me, in the midst of limping along in the dark, chasing after "the constantly moving cloud/pillar of fire", I am losing my damned mind.  I hope that I am gaining a renewed mind in exchange... sometimes it appears that I am; other times my damned mind won't go quietly and starts reminding me of all of the reasons I need to be stressed, fearful, depressed, heck - at one point in my life I would have been so scared of my current situation I would have been fixating on suicide.

But I'm not, I'm often very relaxed, full of confidence and assurance that everything is going to be better than OK - that my life is on the verge of experiencing the backlog of years of promises.  It's funny - but the more I take stock in how peaceful/relaxed I feel - then I can get stressed out.  Thinking that I "should" be way more stressed out than I am


My life at the moment should be stressing me out to the point of ulcers & hysterical fear and anger (at the very least indigestion & whimpering under my desk).  Yet for the most part I'm still full of Hope.  I'm still dreaming with expectancy of vacations, buying a house, funding a few orphanages, funding my churches growth plans.  (I won't even go into the details of how ludicrous that is when facing the financial situation that confronts me)


I gotta stop writing about the details, they want to overwhelm me with fear, because of the improbability of the situation.  So instead let me focus on Jesus!

And that's my secret.  That alone is how I am managing to lose my mind and not my heart.  This just may be the secret to renewing our minds.  Maybe most people don't renew their minds because they have to go through a shit storm like the one I find myself in; and frankly it could be the worst time of my life right now.
But I'm not letting it.  Instead I keep force feeding myself the Truth of His Nature.

I recall another time when the natural situation I was in was clearly impossible to fix in any way I knew how. I recall this phrase "  Blessed is the man who has nothing but the Nature of God"

Notice how I'm not talking about the "promise of God ? ".  You see, my experience with Jesus and His people has been (like many of you) intensely "prophetic" & "Charismatic".  I think I went through a 5 year period where I couldn't go 24 hours without receiving a word from someone or for someone.  The prophetic word was what I lived on!  I look back at that and smile a little ironic smile, I think it's the kind of smile that can only come from someone who has been broken a certain way.  You see I took the "word of the Lord" and turned it into a gavel by which to judge and beat the character of God.
Do you do that?  Do you look at your life, at someone else's life, watch the news... and judge God's heart?   Have you been given a promise or a "prophetic word"  that totally read your mail, caused your heart to soar and think YES! This is what I was made for!!! Only to see that word NOT come to pass?  Have you had someone you love look in your eyes and die as you held them?  Have you watched a loved one die slowly of cancer? AIDS? Or is it that you just witness the wickedness and corruption of the world? Is it the existence of the sex trade? Or starving children? Or natural disasters?  Or for you is it based around money?  
Oh Beloved, how foolish are we?  That we can sit and presume to judge the heart of the UnCreated One.

***Little aside:  any promise is only as good as the character of the one promising, and their ability to carry out what they have promised.    Example;  a 5 Pound note in England is actually worthless.  It says on it "The Queen owes the bearer of this note 5 Pounds".  And so the note becomes an I.O.U. from the Queen which = the worth it carries ie 5 pounds.  If the Crown were corrupt the note technically becomes worth nothing, if the Crown becomes unable to pay the owed 5 pounds, technically the note worthless.  Make sense?  (I know that modern economy makes this point breakdown, but you get the analogy)   The paper is worth something because of the character and the ability to honour the promise
This is what makes a prophetic word/promise from God worth anything.  Without His Nature, they're just words.  But because of His character you can take them to the bank.  The danger lies in placing our hope in the promise, rather than in the Nature of the One who Promised. 


So, back to the main point.

I am continuing to lose my damned mind.  And I love it!  The passage of the Gospels that keeps resonating with me is where Peter bursts out the "You are the Messiah" revelation and Jesus says on this Rock He will build His church, and the gates of Hell will not prevail against it.  But the following verses are getting me just as much.  A moment later Peter says that Jesus shouldn't go to the cross; Jesus turns to him and says "get behind me Satan, for your mind is full of the things of man" 
How does Peter go from getting revelation by the Holy Spirit, to speaking the words of Satan in 60 seconds or less?  He filled his mind with the things of Man... which opened the gates of Hell and allowed the message of Satan to walk right through. 

So I'm working on refusing to set my affections and attention of the screaming world of the things of men, which yell at me the glaring deficiencies in my life and constantly judge and accuse God.  Instead I am commanding my soul to bow and worship. To trust in the Nature of the One who promised that He would never leave me, that He is the One who provides my very breath.

I am renewing my mind. by His grace.

selah 

There's power in poverty...

There's a power in poverty, that breaks principalities, and brings the authorities down to their knees.  There's a brewing frustration, an ageless temptation. To fight for control by some manipulation. But the God of the Kingdom and God of the Nations, the God of Creation sent this revelation.  To the poor and the pennyless, Jesus the Son " the poor will inherit the Kingdom to come".  And who will we praise when we've praised all our lives, men who build kingdoms and men who build things; but Heaven does not know their names? And where will we turn when our world falls apart, and all of the treasures we've stored in our barns, can't buy the Kingdom of God? And what will we fear when all that remains, is God on a throne, with a child in His arms, and love in His eyes...

I don't know why, but I can't get this out of my head, and the Holy Spirit is swirling around me.  I love you Jesus.

My amazing wife...

So,  I am sitting in my in-laws living room, on a grand total of 45 minutes sleep in the last two days.  I actually feel sick, but somehow I can't seem to slow my brain down.

Why would anyone wake up, go through their day, then go home, load a car and drive with three kids under 7 -for 12 + hours through a blizzard.  I then have to wake up at 4:30 tomorrow morning in order to fly all the way home in order to get back for church and work.  Why would I deprive myself of sleep? Of the comforts of my own home?  What would possess me to go through this? (not to mention the financial costs)? 

Because my wife is amazing and I love her more than I ever thought I could love someone other than myself.

My beloved wife has an interesting family situation.  To sum it up, she and her sisters had become estranged from their father.  Years of heart ache and pain drove them far away from any semblance of communication.  I looked at the situation and frankly I felt no hope that anything would ever be different.  I had written everyone off as too stubborn, proud and religious to ever repent and try to reunite their hearts.

But not my wife.  She endured. She always chose to forgive, even when she had every "right" to hold on to bitterness.  It was fair that she was angry, hurt, disappointed... but that didn't stop her great heart from trusting Jesus and following His lead.

A few months ago, the Holy Spirit asked to do something that made ZERO sense to me.  I was mad for her.  I felt justified in the position I thought she should hold on to. 

Instead she obeyed, she forgave, and she has changed the course of her family's destiny. 

To sum up, her obedience and bravery have broken down barriers that are decades old.  Through continued vulnerability and love where it was not deserved she is causing hearts to soften (hearts that I had written off).

The result - I am in my wife's parents house for the first time in years... exhausted from a crazy road trip and FULL of pride in my amazing wife.  Being tired for a short term is of small consequence to her persistent forgiveness, her pursuit of loving, healthy, relationships, her brave vulnerability.

My wife looks a lot like Jesus when she does stuff like this and I couldn't be more proud to serve her in this.

I love you babe.  You are so amazing.

Hope...

Hope.



Now that's something I can not stop thinking about.  I keep listening to this song "Hope's Anthem" on the new record from Bethel Church ( buy it!) and I often cry - not sad - just... full.

I am praying for Hope to rise up around me, within me.  You see my friend just had his heart shattered and frankly it's breaking mine.  I want to fix him.  But I can't.  I want to fix everything around the whole situation, but I feel so inept.  I also don't think it's my place to even try and fix things for my friend and his family.  So I'm praying for him, for his family - and I'm full of Hope. 

I feel like a fool for being so full of hope in the face of their pain and brokenness.  I don't even know what I'm hoping for.  That is the part that makes my logical brain tell me I'm an idiot.  Frankly I look around the world and my heart leaps with Hope. 
I spent my morning listening to some of the top financial minds in the country talk about how the U.S. and global economies are pretty much f^cked.  Frankly, I agree.  Hyper-inflation, the devaluation of the dollar and the collapse of the world system could actually be merely years away. 
I go to facebook and see updates from my friends are in NZ helping with earthquake victims. This morning, I stood next to one of the capsules used to rescue the miners who were trapped in Chile.  Australia has been rocked by floods, cyclones wild fires (in the recent past). Have you forgotten Haiti? I do.  Forget about it all the time, because the next thing is on the news.  Egypt. Libya. Iran. The host of other nations on the brink... I mean, can you ever remember a time where the planet itself seemed to be in such revolt? 

And yet, my heart is FULL of HOPE.  But I don't even know what I am hoping for.

And what the heck is Hope anyway?  I hope I win the lottery.  But I don't even buy lotto tickets.  I think that's the kind of hope that most people refer to, the kind of daydream "wouldn't it be great if..." kind of hope.  That's not what I'm talking about.

I'm talking about something that transcends logic. Surpasses daydreaming and actually causes me to cry on the commuter train.  (yeah ok so I cried on the train today...twice)

This is not merely optimism, or a positive outlook, or glass half full kind of hope.  REMEMBER - I still don't know what I'm hoping for.  (sure I have daydream hopes too - buying a house, growing my business, growing our amazing little church) - but that's not what I'm talking about either.

I think that this Hope - the kind that I find myself praying for and bursting out of me (during commuter train rides) is the kind that endures.  But I still don't know exactly what I'm hoping for.

But...I do know this.  I know WHO I HOPE IN!!!!!!!!  YES!!!!!!!!!WOOOOOHOOOOO!

And although it makes no sense, although I am assaulted with reasons to despair, my heart is weeping with Hope.  For you. For my friend, for his family, for my little amazing church, for my country, for my company, for my dreams and my Hope is this.  Jesus. 

I'll end with a quote from one of the best movies I've ever seen:
|"~ I find I'm so excited, I can barely sit still or hold a thought in my head. I think it is the excitement only a free man can feel, a free man at the start of a long journey whose conclusion is uncertain. I hope I can make it across the border. I hope to see my friend, and shake his hand. I hope the Pacific is as blue as it has been in my dreams. I hope.~"


I sometimes wish Jesus was a verb.  I hope you get Jesus'ed.

I hope He continues to do whatever it is He is doing in me. I hope He burns within me. I hope He burns within you.
I don't think we have seen the end of pain. I don't think that everything is going to work out like the end of a Disney movie.  I don't think that everything is going to be ok.  BUT - I Hope.

I hope you do too

The Invisible frangrance of Brokeness...

So.

For those who don't know much about me, or what's going on in my life I'm going to preface this post with detailing some massive milestone moments in my life the past ten years (these are the low moments - and bless God the list isn't that long or that impressive).  But I want to set some context for why this topic is so close to my heart.

In the spring of 2000 I packed everything I owned into a backpack - grabbed my guitar and moved to Croydon (south east London UK).  I had never been to England before (other than a month in Belfast I had never been outside North America).  Thus began what was probably one of the best and most difficult seasons of my life. What I went through in Croydon

• I worked in a factory (instead of the church where I was promised a job) manually stamping rivets into nylon strapping.  I made 2.15 an hour.  It took me 2 hours each way to get to and from work for the first month (until I moved)

• I then lived with a family who were on the verge of divorce.  I witnessed the husband beat the wife, and we lived across the street from the largest crystal meth dealer in the south of England.  The family requested that I not be allowed to leave my room (even to go to the bathroom) until 8:00 am, making it difficult to get to work on time.  I would get dressed - spring from my room, brush my teeth and Run to the factory.
• Then, I got fired. For NOT talking with my female coworkers (and so they convinced management that I hated women - since management were elders at my church this contributed to me being disciplined and pulled away from music ministry; which is what I moved there to do in the first place.
• The next day I was told I had to move out within the week.  
• I was reduced to 0.27 pence in my bank account, living 1000's of miles away from home, had no job, no where to live, my parents were on the verge of bankruptcy and couldn't send me any money.   
• I spent a day scouting where I could live on the street and not get killed in my sleep----This is where Jesus stepped in and started to teach me about finding Him when I am scared and broken.
• During this time I was so lonely - all I wanted to do was fall in love and get married - my leadership team told me I wasn't allowed to date anyone.  This is the first time He started talking to me about Brokenness.
• Fast forward --- I feel the Holy Spirit call me to Redding CA (a place I had never heard of).  By this point I am leading worship at a thriving church, have offers to record a cd, was starting to be flown to different countries to play --- essentially ministry success was looming.  *My church elders then told me that I was too immature to leave them.  That I was too important, and that I didn't actually hear God.  They refused to help me financially (although I had volunteered for over two years) - refused to take up an offering - and prayed that I wouldn't  get the money to go.  My heart broke.
• Fast forward --- I am in Redding, married and have a beautiful little girl.  It turns out that she is sick...really sick.  At her 3 week check up the Dr. tells my wife our daughter is in heart failure and that it's her fault. ---Keep in mind that I am an illegal resident at this point --- ie no health insurance.  We are so broke we can barely afford the $350 a month rent we pay.
• Then came the day that I handed my baby to a stranger in a hospital, they took her behind these doors, where I wasn't allowed to go - and cut her open to try and fix her heart.  (Bad day)
• Fast forward --- I had felt Him calling me again and dragged my family across the country to Nashville, where I thought my dreams were about to come true.  --- Pilgrimage fail.  
• I wound up stocking shelves at Target for $7.10 an hour 31 hours a week (just enough to not get health insurance).  I didn't eat a lot during that time.  I made sure the wife and baby were ok - but I would go several days without eating because we couldn't afford the food.  The low point was picking half eaten pizza out of a garbage can because I was so hungry.  Oh yeah - I tried to get promoted - I was working as diligently as I could - but I was told I was not "section leader material".  That's right - I was unqualified to make sure a section of Target had the shelves stocked.  That did wonders for my self confidence.
• Fast forward--- we are living in Newmarket Ontario and my wife and I are on the verge of divorce. (too many reasons to count)  I had really betrayed and hurt her.  She called her parents, took our two daughters and left for a while.  --- I was devastated.
• Fast forward --- a year later, we have patched up and try to move back to the States.  My Green Card has expired - I am denied at the boarder.  My wife and daughters spend the next 3 months in Illinois while I am in Toronto.  --- my heart grew so hard and I was so angry at God - I almost threw everything away.  (Dark time)
• 
  

There are way too many other stories to tell, but I have been poor, sick, heartbroken, abused, rejected, stranded, homeless, bitter, vengeful, watched friends live out MY dreams while I sit in the shadows.  I have
lost family members, friends, nearly lost my baby, nearly lost my marriage, given up on Hope, quit dreaming, nearly lost my faith.  I have been (politely) kicked out of churches for being too weird, I have been called everything in the book by people I respected and cared about.  --- It is by far NOT the most dramatic sequence of stories you'll hear... but I am thankful that it was enough to teach me something about Brokenness.


In the midst of this journey HE never once left me.  And He often spoke to me about the condition of my heart; the first time He told me I was Broken, there was such a feeling of relief that came with that.

I realized that the Father didn't expect me to be whole.  In fact He knew I wasn't even close...this is what He said.
  "Your heart is leaking...it's 'cause it's broken.  I pour into you and by the end of the day everything has just leaked right through the cracks.  *smile*  That's ok.  You can't control that you're leaking...you're meant to pour out what's in your heart.  The only thing you can control is where you direct your affections.  'Cause that's where you pour out your heart."

It was in that moment I knew that I was meant to pour my heart out - all the time.  I didn't have to be whole.  It was ok that I was broken...leaking as He put it. 


Over time He began to show me some wonderful things in the Bible.  Many of us know the saying "fall on the rock and be broken, lest it fall on you and grind you to powder" 


Maybe...just maybe He calls us to do that, because He WANTS our hearts to be broken. 


Mary held all of her treasure (life savings) in an alabaster jar.  But her treasure was only released after the jar was broken.  - This did enough to the heart of Jesus that He promised that wherever His story went, her story would go.

We as believers as referred to as jars of clay.  Gideon and his army once held jars of clay.  Inside these jars there were lamps/candles (either way, light.)  Jesus said that we are like lamps/light that needs to be visible.  (most of us know this analogy)

It was when Gideon and the boys broke the jars of clay that the light was released.  The enemy army then proceeded to slaughter each other out of confusion.  Crazy right.  You could almost say that when the Jar of Clay was BROKEN - (ie our Hearts) the Spirit and purpose of God was released. 

Broken...*laugh... it has held such negative connotations.  Heartbroken perhaps most of all. 

But maybe...just maybe HE wants our hearts to be broken.  (at least sometimes).  Maybe there is something released in Brokenness that just can't get out any other way!   Maybe it's when we are Broken we are so acutely aware of our need for Him to repair us.  Maybe we get to know Him in a way that Angels can't, that the Saints in heaven can't...

Just think about what it smelled like in the room when Mary broke that jar (her heart)... once it was broken all she could do was direct where the oil went.  The fragrance of that oil most likely stayed with Jesus right to his last breath. 
I think it meant a lot to him then, I think it means a lot to Him now.  Brokenness releases the fragrance of what's inside.  When your heart is full of love for Him - the fragrance to heaven is irresistible.

The difference between "believing in God" and "Believing God"...

So I've held this conviction for some time,but I rarely hear anyone talk about it...so I will.

I spend a lot of time with people who don't hold the same core beliefs as I hold. I actually love it, because I am often forced to really consider what I believe or I should really say Who I believe.

What I am constantly confronted with is this prevailing attitude that makes people really difficult to talk to. Frankly I am getting really frustrated and sick of it. This is the attitude ... Paraphrasing "I believe in God... I'm a good person"

I'm getting to the point where I am responding with " No. You are not good. You're a mess,'just like me."

The difference between us is this- I don't believe IN God. Not in the sense that kids believe in Santa Clause. Instead I Believe God. Full stop.

Believing in God is a nice comforting thought that somewhere out there is this God and if you're good enough then he'll let you in the gates. Believing IN God requires NOTHING from you. As a result it does nothing in you.

On the other hand Believing God requires everything from you. It implies that you trust Him and you can not trust someone you don't know. Not when they keep telling you things you don't believe about yourself. Not when they tell you do things you don't understand. Not when your circumstances seem to fly in the face of what a "good God" would allow to happen to you- the good person".

The only way to Believe God is to trust what He says~ and that means that you have to KNOW Him.

This is the faith that we read about in Hebrews. People who believe rather than believe in. These are those who endure. These are those who don't seek to "get into Heaven" but instead realize that they are already there.

By this I mean that for those who Believe Him eternal life has already started. Jesus said eternal life is the continuing, unfolding, experiential knowledge of the Father. This means that for those who believe Him-its already started!

So what about you? Do you believe in him the way kids believe in the Easter bunny or Santa? Or do you believe Him.

Quickest way to find this out is to face something you are afraid of. So right now, think about something causing you stress or fear- in that place you might believe IN God, but you probably don't actually believe God. If you did you wouldn't be afraid very long, you wouldn't carry stress- you wouldn't be burdened the way you are.

FYI- " you"= me cause that's what I need to do. Because even after all of this, I still sometimes think of Him like Santa,'and not the most trustworthy person in history. Jesus have mercy on me.

Who is this coming out of the wilderness ...

There is something so beautiful about suffering. Something so captivating about a broken heart. There is something so compelling about loss.

I think it's because HE draws us to these places. I think that HE might lure us into the richness of His heart by going through the wilderness. I can't recall the address but a scripture comes to mind- she (us) will make the valley of achor (weeping/ bitterness) a door of hope.
There is something beautiful that happens to the beloved when we can barely even walk on our own. I can almost hear the incredulity in the enemy's voice. "who IS THIS?!!?". He might be asking that because the person he tried to break in the wilderness, the soul he tried to cause
to doubt, the one he tried to tempt, he actually can not recognize that soul anymore. Maybe when we go through a wilderness / heart breaking experience, we have an opportunity to LEAN on HIM, Our Beloved Jesus, maybe in the leaning on/into we let His strength be shown perfect(ly able) to carry us. Maybe we get so close that people can't tell where He ends and we begin!

Because, in brokeness, only in suffering, are we made perfect. Perfect in our understanding of the full nature of the heart of God. Perfect in our faith being put into action in the face of opposition.

All throughout scripture, and in modern film, my heart ( and maybe yours too) is gripped with stories of enduring through hardships- of faith being actually lived out ( not theorized) in the midst of confusion.

I love the overcomers! Because I see Jesus swell with affection for those who prevail.

So I say again, who is this coming out of the wilderness, leaning on her beloved?

Honestly- I hope it's me. I hope it's you.
Oh imagine! Leaning into HIM so close that we begin to even smell like He does!!! Oh the invisible fragrant aroma of HIS preence! The invisible fragrance of brokeness! One thing do I desire, oh is to see you! To walk like you, to talk like you, to sing like you, to love like you, to love like you, to be like you,'to run with you- to be made whole! You will hear us, oh God; you will help us, oh God! Have mercy! Have mercy! We will be healed! Yes God, we will be healed! Yes God-

Oh Kevin Prosch songs are so good...I just couldn't help that outburst!

Because I am witnessing my friends, people I love, leaning on their beloved as they walk through the wilderness. It's transforming them, it's transforming me. What a wonder that this can only happen on earth, in the middle of a shit storm, Jesus is allowing us to know a side of the Father we can only see from here. Praise God for suffering! Praise Him for brokeness! Praise Him for the valley!!! Praise Him for the pain, for the sorrow, for the desert! Hallelujah to the God who leads us through the desert! Who gives us grace to transform the valley of weeping into the doorway of hope!!!

High praise- thanks be to God!!!


...even if it does really really hurt. ( which of course, it does)

He is always moving...

So, this Blog thing is already starting to allow me to vent/process/share.

I am sitting in a cheap Chinese restaurant as I thumb this on my iPhone and I wanted to take a minute to post something that is constantly coming up in my mind. Jesus is always going somewhere. That's what I want to be like too.

What I mean is this- Jesus asked people/ is still asking people to follow Him. We all know this but I think we forget to realize the implication is that He is going somewhere.

This is coming up right now because I've been explaining to someone that I don't have time or desire to pour into relationships with people that aren't going anywhere.
I realize this may sound like I'm a Douche, but think about it... Do you know people who are in the same place they were months/ years ago? Are you in that same place? In some areas of my own life and attitude that describes me. But I don't want it to. I'm trying to live my life as a pilgrimage. I'm doing my best to live out of vision not apathy. Because of this, I have little time for deep friendships with people who aren't going anywhere. To quote Jay-Z "I got no patience and I hate waitin".

I felt kind of bad about this and then it struck me~ God is always moving too. And while He has patience in a way I long to replicate, He called for people to follow Him far more than He called people to sit around with Him. ( this is not meant to say that rest isn't amazing- but we need to rest in/with Him because we get tired on the journey. It also refers to not striving to earn anything from Him)

God came down to Adam to WALK with him in the cool of the day; Gos called Abram and the first thing he had to do was leave his comfortable life and go somewhere. God led Israel out of Egypt and always kept them moving even if it was in circles. It's always the people that want to stop and set up camp.

Moves of God throughout history are just that- moves. Jesus walked by John, Peter and the rest calling them to follow- cause He was going somewhere. The rest happens on the journey.

This doesn't mean we have to quit jobs, move houses, or quit relationships. As always with Him it's about the position and attitude of your heart. Is your heart set on pilgrimage? Or are you content to stay exactly the way you are? Where you are?

People who choose that often have the best excuses. But those set on pilgrimage don't allow excuses to mire them in place. I heard a long time ago- if you're going through he'll, don't stop.
The pilgrim doesn't stop - the victim does.

So- today I am trying to remember that my God is always moving and always calling me to follow.

Psalm 84:5
Blessed is the man whose strength is in you, whose heart is set on pilgrimage...

here we go...

So, this is something I am actually really excited about, and yet oddly enough I wonder about the impact this will have or the desire for people to view yet another blog.

I'm writing this, primarily as an outlet to share my thoughts on worship, the heart of the Father, the great passion of Jesus and my broken love affair with the Godhead.

Brokenness is something that He and I have been talking about for the past 10+ years (that makes me think I should have a better handle on things than I do).

Within these posts I hope that you (the one reading this) are able to understand a little bit more about why I am so desperately in love with the living person of Jesus, the embrace and proximity of His presence/Spirit, and the overwhelming heart of our Father.

So, while I remain unsure of who will end up following my rambling thoughts, I hope that somehow He is smiling at me as we do this together.

more to follow...